


Unfold Your Own Myth

by Thistlerose



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: 5 Things, Character Study, Families of Choice, Mentors, Multi, OT3, POV Female Character, POV Rey (Star Wars), Shippy Gen, Subtle Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-26 11:50:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6237457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thistlerose/pseuds/Thistlerose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five things Rey experiences for the first time after leaving Jakku, and one thing she's able to teach the people she loves. (And one thing she still has to wait for.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unfold Your Own Myth

1.

 

Someone must have loved her once, Rey thinks. Years ago, before she was left alone on Jakku, there must have been someone who held her when she was scared, and braided her hair after combing out the tangles. Someone who taught her to be curious, taught her to hope. She has no memory of such a time, but the very fact that she _is_ curious, that she _does_ have hope, makes her believe that such a person - maybe two such people - existed.

But when Leia folds Rey in her arms, it feels like the first time. And Rey lets herself be held, lets her eyes close and her body go almost limp. She's so tired. She was Kylo Ren's captive; he looked into her mind, unlocked something inside her. She lost Han; she almost lost Finn; she felt the Force roaring through her, as eager and destructive as anything too-long caged; she defeated Kylo Ren (for now); she escaped.

And now she's just so tired. She wants to follow the medics who took Finn away, to make sure he's really going to survive. But she can't even lift her chin from Leia's shoulder or stop the flow of hot tears. She's dimly aware that she's crying into the shoulder of the leader of the Resistance - and Kylo Ren's mother, and Han Solo's widow - but she can't make herself stop.

"It's all right," Leia murmurs in her kind, rough voice. Her fingers comb slowly through Rey's matted hair. "It's all right. We've got you now."

Nothing about the last fourteen years of Rey's life should make her believe that either statement is true. But - she does. Through their mutual grief and fatigue, Rey can feel the strength of the Force in Leia, the strength of her love, and somehow she believes her.

Later, in Leia's quarters, Rey uses the 'fresher while Leia sends her protocol droid, C-3PO, for food and clean clothes. When Rey emerges, shyly clutching one of Leia's own robes about her body, there's a dress folded on the chair by Leia's desk, and a tray full of food that smells like … nothing Rey has ever experienced, or even imagined. To her embarrassment, she finds herself goggling at the bread, which actually steams when she tears off a piece. The soup is delicately spiced, the vegetables so fresh, she can almost taste the _crunch_ when she bites into them. She doesn't like the tea - it's bitter - but she drinks it anyway, without complaint, because it was given to her freely; she didn't have to trade anything for it.

While Rey sips her tea, Leia stands behind her and combs the knots out of her hair. Her hands are cool and gentle and if, from time to time, they seem to shake, Rey doesn't say anything. It should feel strange, being fussed over by this woman she barely knows, but there's a connection between them that's deeper than grief, deeper than the need for amends. Rey senses it, but she's too tired, too overwhelmed to think about it now. All she can think is, _This must be what it's like to be someone's daughter. This must be what it's like to feel safe._

 

2.

 

After the meeting, Rey catches Poe Dameron by the sleeve and pulls him aside. "Um, hi," she says awkwardly. 

"Hi," he replies with an encouraging smile.

She hesitates. She isn't used to asking for favors, and somehow the fact that he seems to have gone out of his way to be kind to her - dropping by with food and a deck of cards while she sat by Finn's bedside; listening with envy and awe while she described every last detail about flying the _Millennium Falcon_ ; introducing her to Jessika Pava, Kaydel Ko Connix, and other young women her age - despite having loads to do with what's left of the Resistance Fleet, doesn't help.

"Um," says Rey. "I want to borrow BB-8, if that's all right - with both of you." Over the past few days, the droid has barely left Poe's side. The fact that it's not here now must mean it's either charging in Poe's quarters or with Finn. "I want to record a message for Finn before I leave, so he can watch it … _when_ he wakes up."

From the way his brows pinch together, she knows he caught her near-fumble, but he wisely keeps his mouth shut. _When,_ she thinks, _when. Not if. Finn is going to wake up. He's going to be all right._

"Please," she adds.

"Of course," says Poe.

"And you'll…" But something stops her voice, and the rest won't come. _You'll look after him, right? You won't let anything happen to him until I get back. Promise me._

Incredibly, he understands. She can feel it; he _is_ kind, and he cares for Finn too. "Yes," he says solemnly, like he's taking some kind of oath. His brown eyes are a lot like Leia's, she thinks. "Yeah, of course."

 

_Hi, Finn. It's me, Rey. Welcome back. Um, I'm sorry I'm not there to do this in person. I hate that I have to leave while you're still … while you're not awake. It feels wrong, and a bad way to repay all you've done for me. I don't know if I can ever repay all you've done for me, or even explain…_

_You asked about Jakku, why I had to go back there. I couldn't tell you then, and I don't really know why. I guess I'm just used to keeping secrets. Or maybe I'm not used to being asked about myself. Or talking to anyone in general. Anyway, there_ was _a reason, but I'm not going to tell you now because I want to wait 'til I can do it in person. You deserve that and - I want you to be able to ask questions. If you have any. I bet you have at least a thousand questions. I can't wait to hear them._

 _Well. I guess I can tell you this much: I was waiting for someone on Jakku. I was waiting for someone to come back for me. For_ fourteen years. _Obviously, they never did._

 _You were - are my friend, Finn. My first real friend. You were the first person who ever came back for me. That - was all I ever wanted, ever, from anyone. Where I'm going, I don't know if I'll be able to communicate with you. If you don't hear from me, please don't think that I've forgotten you. I promise I will come back for you. I_ promise. _In the meantime … I think the people here need your help. You're a good person, Finn. You're brave and you care. I think you're finally where you're supposed to be._

_May the Force be with you, my friend._

 

3.

 

Before Takodana, the idea of _green_ was always just that: an idea. A concept. A theory Rey supposed was true, but couldn't find much evidence to support. Some wires and buttons were green, of course, and certain aliens had green blood. Cloth could be green, she knew, but it usually wasn't, since it didn't help you blend in with the landscape. She once saw a pirate with a green jewel in her nose; it was how everyone in Niima knew it was her when some Teedo scavengers dragged her remains out of the desert a week later.

None of that prepared Rey for Takodana.

She remembers her first glimpse of that planet, after the _Falcon_ broke atmo: of the lush forests and misty hills, that sprawling ocean shining like polished metal in the sun. The sight dazzled her eyes, accustomed as they were to the subtle browns and grays of Jakku. _I didn't know there was this much green in the whole galaxy,_ she told Han Solo. She remembers blushing as she spoke the words; she must have sounded like such a provincial idiot, especially to someone whose long, strange life had taken him to practically every settled world in the galaxy. But Han only looked at her, his eyes full of sad wonder. Rey will remember that look forever.

And, of course, Takodana didn't prepare her for the reality of Ahch-To.

If green was merely a concept, blue was a cruel joke. When she thought of blue, she thought of a ship getting smaller and smaller until it finally disappeared. She thought of something always out of reach. She thought of water, even though water wasn't really blue, and how there was never, _never_ enough, and what little she could find was usually warm and tasted like sand, leaving fine grains on the back of her throat.

Now she's completely surrounded it by it. As she climbs the stairs of the Jedi Temple she can only look straight ahead because there's _so much water_ it actually dizzies her. It stretches far and far and far in every direction, until it blurs with the sky, no defined horizon line. She's in a perfect sphere of _blue_ , and it's too much. So she focuses on the green, which she understands _in theory_ , and when she sees Luke Skywalker at the top of the stairs, she focuses on him.

On this spindle of an island, amidst all this blue, he is a smear of brown and gray. The last Jedi, standing among the ruins of the first Jedi Temple. He doesn't speak; he only looks at her and the lightsaber in her outstretched hand, and his loneliness rolls off him in waves, an echo of what she used to feel on Jakku. _But you're not alone,_ Rey thinks. _I'm here._

 

4\. 

 

It's not as if Rey's time on Jakku was completely unstructured. On the contrary, she kept a rigid schedule, with little room for error: wake up early enough that there's time to get things done before sunrise, but not so early that you risk a run-in with some of the deadly creatures of Jakku's night; get to the starship graveyard well ahead of the other scavengers, and do as much as you can before the sun reaches its zenith and all that metal and sand becomes super-hot; if you don't want anyone taking your loot - assuming you find any - you have to find a good hiding spot or else haul it around with you; bring everything home and clean it, then see what can be fixed; take your pieces to Niima Outpost so Unkar Plutt can tell you how little they're worth. Ride home and eat your meager portion - or half-portion. Or quarter-portion. Drink your dirty water. Carve another notch in the wall. And sleep.

She figured most of that out herself, her first few years on Jakku.

On Ahch-To, she still wakes up early, still keeps a tight schedule, but it's very different. Luke - he won't let her call him _Master_ \- tells her what to do and when, but there's no threat of death if she slips up; only a brusque head-shake or a few words of gentle chiding. Or sometimes a story about his own all-too-brief apprenticeship, first to Obi-Wan Kenobi, and then to Yoda, usually told with a rueful smile.

Training to be a Jedi is definitely _work_. Holding two boulders, a potted fern, an R2 unit, and an indignant Wookiee in the air with your mind while doing a handstand on the edge of a cliff is exhausting. Conquering your fear of the ocean by _lying on your back in the middle of it_ , while gazing up at the sky and emptying your mind of everything but the _blueness_ of it all is exhausting. Feeling your friends' love and fear - and sometimes flashes of pain - coming to you in the night, like the light of stars long turned to dust, and knowing that there is nothing you can do, is exhausting.

Knowing that Kylo Ren is out there and that he's looking for you, _hunting_ for you, so he can strike you down the way he struck down Luke's other apprentices - a thing you now recall in vivid detail because the Force blows apart time and memory - is exhausting. And terrifying. And fear leads to the Dark Side.

But. Luke, her teacher, is there when she thinks it's all too much. When the Force just seems too big for her to ever learn to control. When the lightsaber feels too heavy and she wants to just throw it down and pick up a blaster. When she misses Finn and Leia and Poe and BB-8.

When anger overcomes her. ("You left me! You left me!" she screams at him once. And he just stands there, silently taking it until her final wail of, "How could you just leave me?" Then he holds out his arms to her and she collapses into them, sobbing.)

When she wakes up screaming in the middle of the night. He's there to place a soothing hand on her brow and offer her a cup of tea. (And it's _good_ tea, made from dried flowers from his own garden, not that bitter garbage they drink on D'Qar.) He's there, quietly listening, while she chokes out what she saw in her vision.

He doesn't tell her to suppress her emotions, bury her anger and fear. "You're a child of the Light, Rey," he says. "There's love and light in everything you feel. Seek the love hidden in the fear. Find the Light."

And he's there when she discovers that she _enjoys_ swimming in the ocean, the way the salt water scours her skin clean, the tiny fish that flit around her ankles, the drowsiness that comes over her after the waves have buffeted her back to shore. He's there, offering his praise when she finishes constructing her own lightsaber, and brandishes it in the air for the first time. He's there when she finally hears the voices of Jedi long-past: Obi-Wan and Yoda, Mace Windu, Qui-Gon Jinn. Anakin.

 _Darth Vader,_ she thinks in a panic, remembering her brief glimpse into Kylo Ren's mind. But the face she sees is that of a young man, not a twisted cyborg, and his eyes are so sad. She feels Luke's hands on her shoulders, warm and steadying, hears his voice in her ear and in her heart, reminding her to seek the love hidden in the fear. _Find the Light._

 

5.

 

When Rey and Luke meet up with the Resistance again, there's little fanfare. There's a war going on, and most of the people she met on D'Qar are elsewhere, fighting against the First Order alongside the remnants of the New Republic and their allies. This isn't the time for celebration. But she does see a few familiar faces as she exits the _Falcon._

Finn is there before she's even off the ramp, catching her by the waist and twirling her around in the air before crushing her against his chest. The breath knocked from her lips, her heart beating out a rhythm she's never known before, she can only hold him weakly. 

"My girl, the Jedi," he whispers.

"You're not mad?" she asks when she can finally speak. "I left you."

"I got your message."

"It's not the same."

"I'm not mad. Did you think I'd be mad?"

She shrugs, her face buried in his shoulder.

"Well, you're stupid," he says, his lips close to her ear, the gentleness of his tone removing the sting from his words. "You're our Jedi Knight, but you're stupid."

Rey nods. And sniffles.

Then Poe is there, and Rey can feel his hesitation; he's not sure where he fits in all this. So she lifts her head and smiles at him over Finn's shoulder. _Yes, you belong here too._ And when he wraps his arms around them both … it's right.

They're soon joined by Leia, who's clutching her brother's sleeve as if she's half-afraid he might vanish if she lets go. She smoothes a stray wisp of hair away from Rey's cheek and says, "Welcome home, child of the Light. We've been waiting for you."

Then Rey hears Chewbacca's approving roar, R2-D2 and BB-8's excited burbling, and somewhere beyond her field of vision C-3PO exclaims, "Oh my, this _is_ exciting!"

And this, thinks Rey, is what she was waiting for, all those years on Jakku. It doesn't matter that she's the one who ultimately had to go seeking it. This is her family. Her home.

This is how it feels to be _someone._

 

+1.

 

Luke loved his friends, but he faced Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine alone. 

Rey does things a little differently. It's not enough, she knows, to seek the love and the Light; she has to be able to _use_ them. So when she goes to confront Kylo Ren, she takes Finn and Poe with her.

Not physically, of course. Kylo Ren is hers to bring down, and they have destinies of their own. Poe has squadrons to lead. Finn has become - or, really, has discovered himself to be - quite a brilliant strategist and tactician since she went away; it's largely thanks to him that the Resistance actually has a chance against Snoke and the First Order. They're needed elsewhere.

But before she leaves, she takes them each by the hand and leads them into the deserted _Falcon_. Turning to look at them, she says, "I love you." The words sound strange. She must have said them to her parents at some point, but this feels like the first time. "I need something … from both of you."

Poe blinks, but Finn, her first friend, her first love, understands immediately. "Of course," he says, his dark eyes warm and trusting.

Rey lets go of his hand and touches him briefly over the heart before turning to Poe. "I'm sorry," she says. "This might be hard for you because - because of what _he_ did, before. I'll understand if you say no. But I want for us to be connected with the Force, just for a moment. I want to link our minds. I think it will make us stronger. But I won't do anything if you say no, I promise."

Poe looks at her, then he looks at Finn, and she can see his jaw working, like he wants to say something but can't. Finally he closes his eyes and nods.

It's not enough.

"It's okay," she says, squeezing his fingers. "The old Jedi Masters weren't right about everything. It isn't wrong to be afraid when you've been hurt before. I would never do that, but if you don't want to, I understand. I'm giving you the choice." Finn, she sees, has taken his other hand.

"I know," mutters Poe. "I trust you. It's just…" He opens his eyes, looks down at their clasped hands, and swallows. "I trust you."

"All right?" Finn asks softly. "I'm here too, you know. I've got you. I mean, we've all got each other."

"Yeah," says Poe, his eyes maybe a little bright, though his lips twitch in a reluctant smile. "Yeah, all right."

"All right," says Rey. She reclaims Finn's hand, completing the circle. 

 

There isn't much time, but Rey knows all too well how this can hurt if she isn't gentle. To her surprise, entering their minds is as easy as breathing. They're open to her - both of them - Finn with all the joy and enthusiasm she's come to expect from him, Poe cautious still, but trusting. She takes them inside her own mind, showing them everything she's learned since her life truly began that evening on Jakku when she couldn't ignore a small droid's distressed squealing; all she's discovered about herself and the galaxy. Family. Friendship. Discipline. Humility. Love. Strength. Hope. 

And yes, there's fear. There's no point in denying it. She can't guarantee their safety, nor they hers. They could lose this battle. But--

 _Whatever happens, I'm with you._

Who thinks it first is not important. It echoes in all their minds. 

Finn and Poe accept Rey's gift of herself, and offer themselves in return. Their own love and hope and strength, their utter faith in her and what they're fighting for thrums in every particle of her being. She moves through their minds, opening every door, pulling aside every veil so the Light can pour in. She wraps that Light around them, binding them to her and to each other. 

 

When it's over, Poe takes a stumbling step toward her, cups her face between his hands and kisses her clumsily but earnestly on the forehead, whispering, "Thank you." Then it's Finn's turn and he takes her in his arms, holding her close against his shuddering chest for just a moment before kissing her mouth. Hunger blazes through her and she kisses him back, fingers twisting in the folds of his shirt. Yes, she loves them both. Truly. But she's glad that her first real kiss is with Finn. It's what she wanted. It doesn't matter that his wasn't with her.

And oh, there's so much more she would like to do with them, but that's a promise that will have to wait until after the battle to be fulfilled.

She's given them their armor, and she has her weapons. They go to face their destinies separately, but not alone.

3/11/2016


End file.
